0xea (Xea, Christie)

This is 0xea

My 2024 blood plasma concentrations

My beloved plush bunny called Molly!

What's underneeth the smile (4th day sleep deprivation)

help.png (an old depiction of how my mind experiences itself)

My left arm hotspot map

Hyia!, I am 0xea(and the names of the voices in my head are Xea and Christie!).

Autistic girly creature and proto-wirehead, staying alive by *constantly* exclusively shooting up.

Come chat me up! <3, just don't be a meanie.

Somehow risking it all is still an acceptable risk to take for the sake of 15-30 minutes of comfort.

My organism has existed for ~181183 hours / ~7549 days.

Links

• Email: 0xea@paranoici.org
• Telegram: @im_0xea
• GPG: BF0168FB97184DDABD5444317374D02D90A4E1E9
• Discord: im_0xea
• Github: https://github.com/Im-0xea
• Wikipedia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:0xea-mew
• Reddit: https://www.reddit.com/user/im_0xea

Interests

• Pharmacology
• Amateur synthesis
• Compounding injektion supplies and Amateur phlebotomy
• Programming and unix-like systems (less so these days)

Psyche

• Dissociative identity disorder(self diagnosed; 3 known alters)
  • Xea
  • gender: feminine
  • soft and gentle voice
  • enjoys being innocent and joyful
  • strives to show people unconditional kindness
  • Christie
  • gender: feminine
  • interests: synthesis
  • masculine voice she struggles to suppress
  • Nazi-Xea or Manic-Xea
  • gender: devoid of gender; raised toxic masculine
  • interests: individualist anarchism and anatomy
  • most commonly breaks out when 0xea is scared, overwhelmed or sad, laughing histerically and divuldging into self-harm or violence to make the distress stop and to take revenge for 0xea
  • limited emotional pallete; filled with resent
  • highly irritable
  • extreamely paranoid
  • has a characteristic phantom limp
  • suicidal(has violently attempted suicide prior; immensely reckless often resulting in burned bridges)
• Autism spectrum disorder (diagnosed)
• Sensory processing issues(in overload causing intense pain and thought deceleration)
• Dissociative identity disorder (self diagnosed; 3+ distinct personalities)
• Dissociative amnesia (extensive repressed memories, reaccuring sudden inability to access any memories including who I am)
• Transgender (male to female; injecting estradiol esters weekly)
• Intrusive thoughts (taunting, anxiety, self-harm, suicidal, pushing suicide)
• Previous delusions (paranoid, persecutory, ideas of reference, somatic, thought broadcasting, parasitosis)
• Auditory- and visual hallucinations (both sober and sleep deprivation- or substance-induced)
• Social anxiety and fear of abandonment
• Self-destructive behaviour (punshing, head-banging, cutting, injecting, drug overdose)
• Emotional Lability- and numbness
• Passive- and active suicidal ideation (6+ incidents over the span of 7+ years)
• Derealization (4+ incidents)
• Hypo- manic episodes (ranging from 24 hours to 1 month)
• Intravenous stimulant addiction (starting februrary 2024)
• Insomnia (up to 6 days)

Substance Matrix (tried 113 substances)

Complications

Routes of Administration

Substance Ranklists

Stimulants

Compound	Structure	Notes
Dextroamphetamine[sulfate] via Oral and Intravenous		Strong Stimulation; clean Euphoria; Minimal Vasoconstriction
Lisdexamphetamine[dimesylate] via Oral and Intravenous		Prodrug to Dextroamphetamine; Moderate Stimulation; Moderate Euphoria; Minimal Vasoconstriction
3,4-Methylenedioxy-α-pyrrolidinoisohexanophenone[hydrochloride] via Insufflated and Intravenous		Strong Stimulation; Strong Euphoria; Moderately Entactogenic; Moderate Duration Insufflated
4-Methylpentedrone[hydrochloride] via Insufflated and Intravenous		Moderately Entactogenic; intense short acting Euphoria; quite potent; Stimulation lasting 2-3 hours intravenous
3,4-Methylenedioxy-α-pyrrolidinohexiophenone[freebase][hydrochloride][citrate] via Insufflated, Intravenous and Vaporized		Strong Stimulation; Strong Euphoria; Mildly Entactogenic; Moderate Duration Insufflated; vaporized has distinctive disgusting Mushroom Smell
Orthophedrone[hydrochloride] via Intravenous, Insufflated, Subcutaneous, Oral and Intrarectal		Lighly Entactogenic; Highly Stimulating; extreamly short-acting Euphoria; Intensely Addictive; Much more Potent than expected; Memory suppression
Metaphedrone[hydrochloride] via Intravenous, Insufflated, Subcutaneous, Oral, Intrarectal and Vaporized		Lighly Entactogenic; Strong Stimulation; clean but short-acting Euphoria; Intensely Addictive (made me feel as if this feeling would be the purpose of the rest of my life); Memory suppression; Corrosive
5-Dihydrobenzofuranpyrovalerone[hydrochloride] via Insufflated and Intravenous		Moderate Euphoria on high doses; uncomfortable intravenously
Dextromethamphetamine[hydrochloride] via Oral, Insufflated, Intrarectal, Subcutaneous, Intramuscular, Intravenous and Vaporized		Strong Stimulation; Intense Euphoria; Long Half-life but Short Euphoria; Strong Dry mouth); Frequently causes Headaches
Amphetamine[freebase][sulfate][hydrochloride] via Oral, Insufflated, Intrarectal, Subcutaneous, Intramuscular, Intravenous, Inhaled, Vaporized and Sublingual		Moderate Stimulation; Moderate Euphoria; Strong Vasoconstriction; Practical via Intravenous Injection, 1 minute comeup 3-4 hour duration; Practical via Subcutaneous Injection 25 minute comeup
Cocaine[freebase][hydrochloride][citrate] via Intravenous and Vaporized		Strong Stimulation; Strong Euphoria; Strong Vasoconstriction; Intravenously Very Short Duration(~10 minutes); surprisingly Entactogenic; occasional comfortable full body feeling; Auditory alteration- or suppression; Vaporized Strong Fishy Smell
N-Ethyl-nor-pentedrone[hydrochloride]		Intense Euphoria; Short Duration; quite tweaky
Mephedrone[hydrochloride] via Oral, Insufflated, Intravenous, Intrarectal and Vaporized		cat-piss odor; moderately entactogenic; moderate stimulation
3-Methylethcathinone[hydrochloride] via Insufflated and Intravenous		Moderate Stimulation and Euphoria; Moderate Duration; instant Gag Reflex Induced upon Injection; Potencial Serotonin syndrome risk
Brephedrone[hydrochloride] via Intravenous		Effective Dosing not reached
Flophedrone[hydrochloride] via Insufflated and Intravenous		Moderate Euphoria; Very Short Duration; Strongly Increased bodily temperature; Quite Unpleasant
Dimethocaine[freebase][citrate] via Intravenous and Vaporized		strong numbing effect both in veins and mouth; mild Euphoria; pleasant vaporized
Methylphenidate[hydrochloride] via Oral and Intravenous		Moderate Euphoria; Mild Stimulation; interesting when intravenously injected; Causes Anxiety and Strong Vasoconstriction
Ethylphenidate[hydrochloride] via Oral		Mild Stimulation; passed out on it on both occasions
Caffeine[freebase][citrate] via Oral, Insufflated and Intravenous		Light Stimulation; discomfort at higher doses; toxicity has nearly taken my life
Nicotine[freebase][benzoate] via Vaporized and Transdermal		Light Stimulation; causes Irritability and Headaches; Helps take the Edge of other Stimulants
Modafinil via Oral		Effects not notable
Bupropion[hydrochloride] via Oral and Intravenous		orally causes anxiety; previously coincideded panic attack; euphoria upon intravenous administration
N-Ethyl-nor-heptedrone[hydrochloride] via Insufflated and Intravenous		Dull Euphoria; increased bodily temperature
3-Fluoroethamphetamine[hydrochloride] via Intravenous		Barely Active even when intravenously administered
4-Fluoromethamphetamine[hydrochloride] via Intravenous		Barely Active even when intravenously administered; softer curve
4-Methylbuphedrone[hydrochloride] via Intravenous		Barely Active; More Sedating than Stimulating
Pseudoephedrine[hydrochloride] via Oral, Vaporized and Intravenous		Minor Stimulation; >100mg Anxiety; Caused Panic attack
Salbutamol[sulfate] via Inhaled		Bronchodilation; Minimal Stimulation; Increased heart rate
Formoterol[sulfate] via Inhaled		Bronchodilation; Minimal Stimulation; Increased heart rate
α-Pyrrolidino-2-phenylacetophenone[hydrochloride] via Insufflated and Intravenous		Causes Significant Anxiety and a rather Intoxication and Dissociating Stimulation

Entactogens

Compound	Structure	Notes
3,4-Methylenedioxymethamphetamine[hydrochloride] via Oral and Intravenous		Allowed me to reprocess some traumatic events; Intensely Entactogenic; Upon intravenous Injection will drain Serotonin rapidly risking Serotonin syndrome
Cocaine[freebase][hydrochloride][citrate] via Intravenous and Vaporized		Strong Stimulation; Strong Euphoria; Strong Vasoconstriction; Intravenously Very Short Duration(~10 minutes); surprisingly Entactogenic; occasional comfortable full body feeling; Auditory alteration- or suppression; Vaporized Strong Fishy Smell
3,4-Methylenedioxy-α-pyrrolidinoisohexanophenone[hydrochloride] via Insufflated and Intravenous		Strong Stimulation; Strong Euphoria; Moderately Entactogenic; Moderate Duration Insufflated
Mephedrone[hydrochloride] via Oral, Insufflated, Intravenous, Intrarectal and Vaporized		cat-piss odor; moderately entactogenic; moderate stimulation
Metaphedrone[hydrochloride] via Intravenous, Insufflated, Subcutaneous, Oral, Intrarectal and Vaporized		Lighly Entactogenic; Strong Stimulation; clean but short-acting Euphoria; Intensely Addictive (made me feel as if this feeling would be the purpose of the rest of my life); Memory suppression; Corrosive
Orthophedrone[hydrochloride] via Intravenous, Insufflated, Subcutaneous, Oral and Intrarectal		Lighly Entactogenic; Highly Stimulating; extreamly short-acting Euphoria; Intensely Addictive; Much more Potent than expected; Memory suppression

Dissociatives

Compound	Structure	Notes
2-Fluorodeschloroketamine[hydrochloride] via Insufflated		similar to ketamine but more potent; Moderate Duration (~3 Hours); mind melting dissociative effects
Eticyclidone[hydrochloride] via Insufflated		10-20mg smooth long acting(~5 hours) effects; Difficult Self-asssesment; Induces functional Mania; helps deal with Sensory overload, Social interactions and fine Motor ability
Methoxpropamine[hydrochloride] via Insufflated		Smooth Effects; Induces functional Mania; Difficult Self-asssesment
Nitrous oxide via Inhaled		Overwhelming Pulsing and Buzzing; utterly Hilarious; strong remaining visual noise; auditory alteration and loudening; Intense Euphoria; flavor reminicent of whipped cream; Irritability; feelings of inexpressable revelations
Ketamine[hydrochloride] via Insufflated and Intravenous		Unnerving if Injected Rapidly; Body Distortion; Perception in Snap Frames; memory suppression; time distortion; followed by suicidal thoughts; interesting mind manifestation with positive reinforcement
Tolicyclidine[hydrochloride] via Oral and Insufflated		Anxiety suppression; Inducing Mania at 10mg
Deschloroketamine[hydrochloride] via Insufflated		similar to ketamine but slighly more rough
Dextromethorphan[hydrobromide] via Oral		effective dosing not reached; might have worsened previous psychosis

Psychedelics

Compound	Structure	Notes
Dimethyltryptamine via Vaporized		~15mg vaporized produced very light effects but made me leave with newfound meaning and motivation; ~20mg vaporized produced feelings of shooting through space while completely clear in my head, very clean beautiful visuals for 3 minutes; ~25mg vaporized produced feelings of being torn out of my body and lost in space for 3 minutes; ~30mg vaporized made my subconcious start talking "please help me, I want to leave this place(refering to my place in life)"
Lysergic acid diethylamide via Oral		150mcg made me more concious of how dissociation influences my perception of reality, broke communication down to a fluid simplified interface, vulnerable animalistic perception of organic living beings, enabled understanding repressed part of myself
2,5-Dimethoxy-4-bromophenethylamine via Oral and Intravenous		Time dilation; Internal hallucinations; Color enhancement; Increased pareidolia; Visual acuity enhancement; Tactile enhancement; Minor Double vision; Teeth grinding; Intense 2.5 hour experience when intravenously injected;

Hormone medications

Compound	Structure	Notes
Estradiol undecylate via Subcutaneous and Intramuscular		Prodrug Ester of Estradiol; produces stable levels with no crashes when injected monthly
Estradiol enantate via Subcutaneous and Intramuscular		Prodrug Ester of Estradiol; minor crashes when injected weekly; discomfort when injected every 4 days
Estradiol cypionate via Subcutaneous		Prodrug Ester of Estradiol; crashes when injected weekly
Estradiol valerate via Subcutaneous and Intramuscular		Prodrug Ester of Estradiol; Crashes when injected weekly
Estradiol[hemihydrate] via Transdermal		life saving hormone; caused figure changes, breast growth, body hair reduction, skin smoothing and emotional enhancements
Dutasteride via Oral		significantly reduced hairloss; no side effects; very long halflife
Cyproterone acetate via Oral		helpful when estradiol levels drop below monotherapy levels; no side effects noticed so far
Beclometasone dipropionate via Inhaled		Nothing to note
Melatonin via Oral		barely effective sleeping aid; potencially improves quality of sleep
Hydrocortisone via Dermal		Nothing to Note
Finasteride via Oral		coincided significant suicidal thoughts; very short halflife; stopped treatment after a month

Opioids

Compound	Structure	Notes
Mitragynine via Oral		quite relaxing yet helpful for working; reduces minor pain; very helpful when crashing from <a href=/class/stimulant>Stimulants</a>; encourages sexuality
6-Monoacetylmorphine[citrate] via Intravenous		obtained by letting diacetylmorphine sit in a low pH solution for several weeks; quite potent; relaxing to the point of inducing sleep; warm; minor pain reduction; helps deal with siginificant emotional pain; weird dream like states which feel fully concious; encourages sexuality
Diacetylmorphine[citrate][ascorbate] via Vaporized and Intravenous		Prodrug to 6-Monoacetylmorphine; not very classy
Loperamide via Oral		Nothing to Note
Oxycodone via Oral and Intravenous		strong Apathy and Dysphoria; feelings of body melting; when injected Minor Euphoria followed by Nausea, Intense Sweating and increased bodily temperature; Minor Pain relief

Antipsychotics

Compound	Structure	Notes
Quetiapine via Oral		Somewhat Anxiety inducing to use; seams to relieve psychosis at proper dose in the matter of 3-7 hours; Moderate Sedation; unsure about effects on allergy
Amisulpride via Oral		messed me up at low dosage; kept me safe at a full dosage; quite pleasant probably due to opioid / GHB effects
Promethazine via Oral		Ineffective in treating Acute Panic; strongly delayed onset; Potencial Mild Nausea suppression; Uncertain Effects on Histamine
Aripiprazole via Oral		way too long half-life; anxiety and discomfort; Increased heart rate; teeth grinding

Sedatives

Compound	Structure	Notes
Bromazepam via Oral		Anxiety suppression
Lorazepam via Oral		Anxiety suppression; Strong memory suppression
Alprazolam via Oral and Intravenous		Anxiety suppression; Effective Sedation; cancels out <a href=/class/stimulant>Stimulants</a>; Practical Intravenous-use (using additional Solvant such as Propylene glycol or Ethanol)
Diazepam via Oral and Intravenous		Anxiety suppression; Effective Sedation; cancels out <a href=/class/stimulant>Stimulants</a>
Temgicoluril via Oral		Anxiety suppression
Pregabalin via Oral		Baseline Anxiety suppression; doesn't prevent Sensory overload
Amlodipine[besylate] via Oral		Nothing to Note
Zolpidem[tartrate] via Oral		effective sedation; strange thoughts and dreams; visual thoughts
Ethanol via Oral, Inhaled and Intravenous		Analysis suppression; Euphoric at Nauseating doses; Rather use this as a solvent
Baflofen via Oral		no notable Anxiety suppression at 200mg; coincided Severe Nausea
Benzylalcohol via Oral, Subcutaneous, Intramuscular, Dermal and Intradermal		Sweet Marzipan like Smell turning sickly; Low solubility in water; 2.5% Dilution very bitter and mouth numbing; 0.25% Dilution bareable dare I say nice with a bunch of sugar; 500mg Disinhibiting; Local anesthetic properties
Butane via Inhaled		Minor Euphoria; Warm Headrush; Increased Sweating; flickering vision
Isopropanol via Inhaled		Accidental exposure through fumes; pretty Euphoric and encouraging grandious thinking; Causes Headaches; Analysis suppression; ~24 hour duration; Rather use this as a solvent
Acetone via Inhaled		Accidental exposure through fumes; Analysis suppression; Nauseating doses; Causes Headaches; Rather use this as a solvent
Phenol via Oral		Accidental exposure through contamination; suicide preparation

Cannabinoids

Compound	Structure	Notes
Tetrahydrocannabinol via Vaporized		Analysis suppression; Language suppression (hinders Sincerity); Time dilation
10-Hydroxyhexahydrocannabinol via Vaporized		Analysis suppression; Language suppression (hinders Sincerity)
Cannabidiol via Oral and Vaporized		Analysis suppression; CYP2D6 Inhibition unconfirmed

Antihistamines

Compound	Structure	Notes
Cetirizine[hydrochloride] via Oral		Seamed too improve allergy symptoms
Bilastine via Oral		seamed too improve allergy symptoms
Diphenhydramine via Oral		At 50mg Sedating, Analysis suppression and Irritability; seams too improve allergy symptoms
Dimenhydrinate via Oral		Nothing to note
Mirtazapine via Oral		Creates unique Bodily feeling; seams to suppress histamine effects; Sedation for 2 days straight
Promethazine via Oral		Ineffective in treating Acute Panic; strongly delayed onset; Potencial Mild Nausea suppression; Uncertain Effects on Histamine
Quetiapine via Oral		Somewhat Anxiety inducing to use; seams to relieve psychosis at proper dose in the matter of 3-7 hours; Moderate Sedation; unsure about effects on allergy

Antidepressants

Compound	Structure	Notes
Fluoxetine via Oral		noted acute effects; long term no notable improvement in quality of life; slight potenciation of Dextroamphetamine (Lisdexamphetamine) through CYP2D6 inhibition
Sertraline via Oral		seams to improve well being after MDMA use; notable potenciation of Dextroamphetamine (Lisdexamphetamine) through CYP2D6 inhibition
Mirtazapine via Oral		Creates unique Bodily feeling; seams to suppress histamine effects; Sedation for 2 days straight

Amino acids

Compound	Structure	Notes
Oxitriptan via Oral		seams to improve wellbeing after MDMA use
Theanine via Oral		light but pleasant effects
Omberacetam via Oral		Mild Stimulation
Acetylcysteine via Oral		Taste of Rotten Eggs that ruined my Dextromethamphetamine Tea
Pyridoxine via Oral and Intravenous		Uncertain activity
N-Acetyl-L-tyrosine via Oral and Intravenous		Mild adrenic activity 3000mg oral; injected 500mg intravenous; Corrosive
Tryptophan via Oral		Uncertain activity
Tyrosine via Oral		Uncertain activity
γ-Aminobutyric acid via Oral		Uncertain activity

Antiemetics

Compound	Structure	Notes
Domperidone via Oral		Potencial Mild Nausea suppression
Promethazine via Oral		Ineffective in treating Acute Panic; strongly delayed onset; Potencial Mild Nausea suppression; Uncertain Effects on Histamine
Butylscopolamine[hydrobromide] via Oral		dry mouth
Diphenhydramine via Oral		At 50mg Sedating, Analysis suppression and Irritability; seams too improve allergy symptoms

Antihypertensives

Compound	Structure	Notes
Minoxidil via Transdermal and Oral		Intense Vasodilation (promotes hair-regrowth) Intense Respiratory depression) at 10-15mg oral administration
Pregabalin via Oral		Baseline Anxiety suppression; doesn't prevent Sensory overload
Amlodipine[besylate] via Oral		Nothing to Note

NSAIDs

Compound	Structure	Notes
Acetylsalicylic acid via Oral and Insufflated		Reliefs Minor Headaches; causes useful blood thinning for stroke prevention
Ibuprofen via Oral		Effects not notable
Paracetamol via Oral		Effects not notable

Local anesthetics

Compound	Structure	Notes
Cocaine[freebase][hydrochloride][citrate] via Intravenous and Vaporized		Strong Stimulation; Strong Euphoria; Strong Vasoconstriction; Intravenously Very Short Duration(~10 minutes); surprisingly Entactogenic; occasional comfortable full body feeling; Auditory alteration- or suppression; Vaporized Strong Fishy Smell
Benzylalcohol via Oral, Subcutaneous, Intramuscular, Dermal and Intradermal		Sweet Marzipan like Smell turning sickly; Low solubility in water; 2.5% Dilution very bitter and mouth numbing; 0.25% Dilution bareable dare I say nice with a bunch of sugar; 500mg Disinhibiting; Local anesthetic properties
Benzocaine[freebase] via Buccal		strong numbing effect in mouth
Dimethocaine[freebase][citrate] via Intravenous and Vaporized		strong numbing effect both in veins and mouth; mild Euphoria; pleasant vaporized
Menthol via Insufflated and Vaporized		Decongestant effects; Cooling sensation; Reduces smoking irritation

Wound care

Compound	Structure	Notes
Octenidine[Dihydrochloride] via Dermal		Antisepectic wound treatment
Ethylcyanoacrylate via Dermal		Suboptimal for closing cuts, quite brittle

Misc

Compound	Structure	Notes
Sumatriptan[succinate] via Intravenous		warm uncomfortable panick inducing rush and burning sensation in my head immediately upon intravenous injection; increased sweating; relaxed cool and clear head feeling
Lactase via Oral		Seams to decrease skin reaction to lactose
Bicarbonate[Sodium] via Oral		Temporarily increases urinary pH decreasing dextroamphetamine excression
Carbon via Oral		Nothing to note