It's worse than you think but it's more beautiful than you can imagine.

An entity was taking over my mind, so naturally I started injecting random substances to kill it.

As I climbed out of my sarcophagus of syringes, micron-filters, cotton-balls, IV lines and bowls made out of aluminum foil, I felt like I had been hard reset.

Mephedrone is not supposed to be a powerful psychedelic, amphetamine is not supposed to be brown and blood is not supposed to be in your urine.

Riding the line between euphoria and psychosis.

Dedicated Methsulin pen.

Symptoms: "heart palpitations, tachycardia(180bpm)
Treatment(de la xea): 0.7g intravenous ethanol

Stimfapping is hypothesized to have been practiced over 5,000 years ago when Ephedrine first started being used in traditional Chinese medicine.

Due to its mild dopamine releasing effects it is likely that proto-stimfapping occured.

3:00 50mg 2-MMC IV
3:05 50mg 2-MMC IV
3:10 50mg 2-MMC IV

Psychotics and other lifestyle chemicals

Doctors opted to inject morphine rather than administering it orally, in the hope that addiction would not develop.

Why am I not dead yet?, Do I want to die?, Do I want to life?

Pssss... hey there!, can a red eyed crying dissociated Xea offer you a Xea-moment?

Down on my stomach, halfwake. I hear a beep similar to our water boiler but I try to ignore it. As I start to feel someones presence I try to get up in panic but can’t move like someone is holding me down firmly. Suddenly my mind is disturbed, a electric shock of pure pressures like someone send noise into my mind, accompanied by a horrific screeching scream. I try to call out „Hilfe!!“ but all that comes out is sloppy sobbing, seconds later its gone, my head hurts now.

Psychedelic phenethylamine go weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! ^w^

If this is a mind manifesting drug, than my mind is both love and a nighmare swarm of angry spinning rainbows.

When a thought seams intrusive, show it kindness.

Seams like the degenerate *supportive* drug addicts are still here!.. shuuu!!.. go away!.. this drug wiki is only for us pseudo intellectual drug addicts!

Fund your favorite moderator's IV cathinone habit to accelerate moderation!

Yesterday: * induces Serotonin syndrome "for fun"
Today: * starts taking subverted Fluoxetine

Listening to music while experiencing IV serotonin rush adds amazing metallic distortions and extra depth when its not inducing a intense fear of death.

Hun, are you abusing the fact that your super serious professional moderator Xea is on MDMA?

Don't IV crushed Methylphenidate XR pellets kids!. Not because it will destroy your lungs but because its not fun :(

Shit.. I gave away too much detail!, the feds are going to hunt me down and charge Molly(my adorable plush bunny), for all the heinous crimes she has commited!

Need Hate Help Pain Words Die :) Me

Sometimes you leave the room when I am about to shoot up and once alone I start crying out in distress till its done, It hurts, I am dependent, scared and numb all I want is to not be alone or worry about being misunderstood

Having stayed awake for the past 6 days made me forget about all the events which aren't happening in my life.

Sherlock Holmes occasionally used morphine and sometimes cocaine(which he injected in a *seven-per cent* solution.)

Introducing... paperclip cancer soup!!!

Xea is eepy enough, make me stop being sad you stupid acetylated morphine garbage!

* Has her first 30 minute session with a new psychiatrist
* Leaves with two antipsychotic prescriptions

Abusing Sertraline(to inhibit CYP2D6) and antacids(raising my urinary pH enough to reduce urinary excretion of certain amines)...
Only to make *this* be remotely enough dextroamphetamine to get high (Xea is out of drugies ;-;)

I abuse the wiki by treating it as a friend and dumping all my deranged thoughts into it, that way Xea is never alone ^^.
Inject the wiki into my veins!!!

I seam to start spasming uncontrollably with my entire body once I have reached a certain threshold(close to stimulant psychosis).

Experiencing psychedelic effects from 2-MMC, not sure if its my psychosis coming back, but honestly, I don't care, Im so done.

You are not alone. You will get through this. You are loved... even if only by me. Run if you need to run.

Schrödinger's brain

* gets sligly embarrassed
The voice: "Xea, please just take a shoot, I can't do this anymore, its just too much, please give me a shoot, please, please, please, just take a shoot, take a shoot, shoot!, shoot!, weeeee!!!!"

"if xea were awake right now she would be crying" -manic-xea (aka nazi-xea)

Turn half that smile upside down!

Transcending dopamine availability and biweekly sleep

The Reichsmaster of the Injections.

Dr. Morell went on to prescribe powder cocaine to soothe Hitler's throat and clear his sinuses.

When I lost hope my thoughts will taunt the confused innocence inside me till it dies, like it has over and over and over again.

Fade away alone in terror dreaming of what wonders we could have shared.

A concoction of egg whites and brandy laced with a small amount of strychnine.

* unlocks kindergarden memory while watching 110mg Metaphedrone being pumped into my veins

These veins?, golden!

The organism remembers despair

If I collapse right now I will never get back up again

I am mentally ill, I go crazy every couple of months, I am lonely as fuck and most of the people who I meet just end up hurting me more, literally every second outside in my city is painful for me, I have a soul crushing job where nobody respects me or interacts with me, but you are trying to attribute my IV drug use to the fact that I am trans and feel bad when people misgender or deadname me?

* looks at a vial of my own rotting blood with tiny cobwebs inside
"if this is a metaphor Xea I don't think I get it"

In organic chemistry, amphetamine is an excellent chiral ligand for the stereoselective synthesis of 1,1'-bi-2-naphthol.

I was considering going there, writting a couple of people's names in blood and than finishing myself

Eine Nase goerli-speed-paste a day keeps the dark thoughts at bay.

The reality of a junkie: you have a bag and no syringe, what do you do??!

Keep the syringe you rascal!

Remember how I used to say I can feel 20mg 3-MMC burning in my veins traveling up my arms?, that feeling went away besides for my hands but when I take a shoot like *this* I feel my entire body burning down to my toes

Its such a catchy name!, Two-Prime-Oxo-Pe-Ce-E?!, Two-Prime-Oxo-Pe-Ce-E!!, Two-Prime-Oxo-Pe-Ce-E!!!

I injected 10mg 2C-B with 40mg Mephedrone and half a minute later I immediately left, my perception started being stretched and turned into a spiral, I started being able to see nothing but black and only hearing my own breathing immensely loud starting to hyperventilate, 2 hours in the effects were still quite notable(perspective split into 6 sections) but I was back in my bed, I felt deeply sad about the previous conflicts and lost friends I had made, 2.5 hours in the effects nearly fully subsided and Xea decided to inject a fake 1mg alprazolam tablet dissolved with 1/3 anhydrous ethanol in saline

Subjective effects: Agitation, ...
Subjective effects?!!, Im about to give you some subjective defects if you don't shut up!!!

I got a gram and shoved it right into its USB port!!!

Oh my god!, OH MY GOD!!, WHY DID I EVER PUT CATHINONES DIRECTLY INTO MY VEINS!!!
She was only a lost child who tried to escape into her only comfort, but it has been long over a year sitting in the the corner of my bed, just recovered from my 7th stimulant psychosis, nothing will ever be the same...

During the minute long 250mg infusion, pools of tears were washing over my blood stained arm and around the butterfly needle I had just violently thrust into it

* snacks on a fist full of sugar cubes
* pours 5 different lipids into a shoot glass, adds rice vinegar, salt and downs it
* empties out a tube of mustard into her mouth
* drinks a tube of tomato paste dry
* pours maggie wuerze into her mouth

He is in a k-hole right now, but in 10 the speed will kick in.
A can of coke and a cigi. He'll be right as rain.

That is one serious caffeine injection my friend!

Hold on girls!, we are going to make a spliff out of nutmeg(Myristicin and Elemicin) and banana peals!

The endorphines(α-Endorphin, β-Endorphin and γ-Endorphin) kicked in and I couldn't stop!

I don't know what to think, I have seen through the iron needle, I have seen it, I have finally bloody seen it!, I have pulled open the hurt locker and had a big old rumage around!

Bupropion is like: what if aliens wanted to make a cathinone... and they failed

This white powder could potencially be amphetamine, even kind of tastes like it, is that enough assurance to push it directly into my veins?, of course it is retard!

* Applies 42mg worth in nicotine patches
Psychedelic headrush!

* Applies 42mg worth in nicotine patches
* lowballs the dealer’s whole stock of amphetamine for 50 bucks
Christie is back bitches! ;P

Somehow the heroin gives him an edge!, make him smarter, stronger, faster than any regular man could be!
Him name? Smocaine!

I have run from the shadow police, do you think I can't run from ordinary cops?

No impulse controll, zero fucks given

Kid was 16 years old, in montgomery park, jacked up on so much P2P, his eye's had spirals in them, his mother didn't even know who the fuck he was

If anybody in here is going to be taking this P2P it ain't going to be kids, its going to be me!

Dammit smocaine, I know the heroin makes you some kind of super-cop but you can't keep going around the city crashing up cruzers

Smocaine and Deucey make it through the warehouse undetected, thank in no small part to Smoc's heroin amplified stealth and Oxy-80-boosted infiltration tactics. When they reach the kingpin's inner sanctum, Deuce is ready to start blasting but Smocaine uses his drug-addled lighting-fast genius brain to come up with a clever undercover ruse...

"oh no!, im out of amphetamine!"
* scrapes together ~2-3 gram from stray vials, centrifudge tubes, beakers, filter pager and the floor

Sorry my parsing is shoot... I should have another shoot

Just caught myself referring to 0xea as my host in my thoughts... interesting to think of myself as a parasitic obsessive intrusive thought driving this organism insane... naw that surely doesn't sound like me(Christie)

Curiosity killed the cat and I couldn't give any less of a shit

I have no mouth and I must nugh!

TV Series Pitch: Breaking Bad but walter instead racemises the pseudoephedrine, oxidizes it to methcathinone, gets massively dependent on mad cathinones and than dies peacefully one year later from manganese poisoning induced parkinson's

World War I saw the greatest use of cocaine amongst militaries.

Xea bitte gib mir einen Schuss!

Occasionally the realization that I am trapped in an organic creature becomes very distressing, really nothing seams meaningful or comforting anymore, sick of pretending I even vaugely care

I love being trapped in this head!

Wouldn't it be horrible if this time I actually died now?, wouldn't it be pathetic if you threw your chance at a more wholesome future in the trash because you couldn't stop poking your arms bloody?, wouldn't it be sad if you disappointed the 2 people who believe in what you do?, wouldn't it be horrible if the people that do care about you will have to shead tears for this bullshit?
* takes another shoot

Christie: like any good chemist I am doing this drunk and while cooking a meal

Today on 0xea's magical adventures at goerlitzer park: "that's not methamphetamine!"

The Mercury physicians issued Glenn a number of medications for his survival pack, including morphine for pain, mephentermine sulfate for shock, benzylamine hydrochloride for motion sickness, and racemic amphetamine sulfate (a common pep pill) for a stimulant.

Fetch the Anaesthetist, I want to go under the knife, I believe in this!

Christie: I am going to fucking kill you Xea!!!
* fails to beat herself to death

Sometimes I perceive myself as a subhuman intelligence, I lack the fears and emotions tearing Xea to shreds, I just want to fill my organisms stomach with food she won’t spew up

Checksum your reality!

I wish there was a way to checksum my reality to confirm if my perception had significantly altered, I feel like the thought that nothing is inherently quantifiable breaks me, not only because it means that checksumming reality is impossible, but because everybody(including me) keeps pretending that things are quantifiable and that any of those quantifiables remotely matter

Dereck is on ritalin, he looks like he is having a stroke, look at him!
Charls is a mental patient ok?, he has no interest in winning or loosing, he is chaotic-neutral

So you are snorting it huh? than don't be a sucker!, you are wasting it that way!, use a needle!(don't)

I wish love and happiness to every being who reads this and weep for every lost soul who might use my writings to end themselves with hope in sight.

This is a guide to preparing to commit or actively committing a rapid chemical suicide via intravenous injection, using or synthesized from chemicals which are unlikely to ever be voided by future restrictions.

Im here with you, its going to be ok, I promise, I promise I promise, please don't loose hope for no reason.

My best any% 4-liters-of-used-needles run is only 30 days

The natural urge to perform an intravenous injection of >undefined<.

Oh Sertraline is a CYP2D6 inhibitor you say?, interesting!
* continues uncontrollably shaking in place

Reducing underdosing: Underdosing is an often overlooked and underestimated type of medication error resulting from dead or residual volume. However, there are ways that help to avoid the decreased treatment responses it can cause.

It is generally understood that human beings are carbon-based organisms, fusing little carbon tubes together to form complex, mushy structures capable of thought, love, and locomotion. It is also known that these structures sometimes like to “take the edge off” by consuming ethanol, amphetamine, etc. In such cases, it is important to supplement your body with magnesium. Tired? Mag it! Down? Mag time! Liver damage? MAXIMUM MAG!

HELL NO. You’re about to become a magnesium-based lifeform. The age of the primitive carbon-man is done. No longer must mankind rely on slow-working background radiation to take us further into our genetic destiny. This is the era of guided evolution, and magnesium is the key. You are the first of your species. The next step in human evolution. An advanced magnesium proto-man who mags it up, drinks it down, and sniffs it sideways!

What are your favorite veins to inject into my fellow junkies?, Xea loves shooting into her femoral from her groin ^^

When I was abusing IV amphetamines I was at the edge of accidentally killing myself via stroke(ischemia), they are much more adrenic causing excessive vasoconstriction which can be dangerous if you are at stroke risk like Xea :3333
when I am abusing IV cathinones, I start questioning my perception of reality.

When Xea is abusing substituted amphetamines she reaches her strokeism/spasming threshold at the same time as moderate euphoria kicks in.
When Xea is abusing substituted cathinones she is constanly riding the line between euphoria and psychosis.

Highly professional psychonaut anodyne wiki staff at your service!

(Xea currently has an IV line in her arm feeding her massive amounts of 3-MMC)

My psychiatrist approves of my work.

It was like nothing I ever experienced, It made me want to focus on building a life... I feel like I have never been this happy in my life before even long after I had fully crashed out and communication had broken down
I would do anything to go back to that state, **anything!** including slitting throats and mutilating infants

Mind you last time I thought I was having a stroke and the right side of my body and sight was fading at 4 am and I decided not to call an ER but just inject more orange poisoned amphetamine and keep laying there alone listening to the rain waiting to see if I pass or not, not even able to cry

* brags about the different salts she has consumed amphetamine in

Xea previously both directly injecting large amounts of lisdexamphetamine or left about~ 100mg to react with a dilute solution of my own red blood cells in a 5ml syringe for half an hour before after micron filtration injecting it(before I got addicted to shooting up, lisdexamphetamine was my favorite drug ;-;)

* while being taunted starts hacking a pair of trauma shears into her leg

traumatised by trauma shears causing your leg trauma?, now we are talking.

* jumps up with all the desperation she can bring up crying out in distress trying to forcefully reach the scapel she had left laying on the floor... with the intend of finally slicing her throat

I just drew a knife on her and told her to leave today, I think christie wants to end it now, I don't know what I should still do

Friend: end it as in the relationship?

My life, she seams ok with it, my hopes are over, I already said I will in the next hour, I have a vial with very crude beautiful violent phenol, it would do the job, even if it would be agonising, please don't call anybody, that would force me to

At the end of today I will either be in a clinic, in a corner on the floor or dead

Common adverse reactions of methylphenidate include euphoria

In rhesus monkeys with a previous history of 3,4-methylenedioxymethamphetamine (MDMA) self-administration...

Most of my savings were turned into 3-Methylmethcathinone corroding the inside of my veins and overcharged pharmacy prices on weekly 100x packs of insulin syringes while my previous friend circle left me to rot because "Xea is doing meth!!"... the concept of using a prescription is no longer viable, actually recently talking with my psychiatrist and she asked if I were interested in a methylphenidate prescription, before ending up agreeing with me that it would not be sustainable if I were to have to crush up and inject a dozen xr capsules every day

* huffs butane out of desperation fully concious of the associated risk of sudden death and its accumulation in brain tissue

While N-methylamphetamine itself is a powerful decongestant, it is less desirable in a medical setting because of its severe side effects and addictive properties.
Such side effects may include insomnia, agitation, irritability, dry mouth, sweating, and heart palpitations. Other side effects may include violent urges or, similarly, the urge to be successful in business or finance.

Ok, since last message my mind kind of collapsed, I struggle to recall anything and im alone and scared ;-;

While observing the texture of my room's sealing start to lose more and more if its details before turning into a constantly morphing soup during the peak of stimulant psychosis

I was thinking about how I have previously recontextualized the experience of berlin as a beach town or a sci-fi city with flying cars, etc in my memory without any issues and wondered if a mind accepting a new reality which is abstracted from the unnecessary entropy found in our "reality" would be possible or just psychotic rambling which my brain thought sounded about right because I was still on pyros

A clown nose soaked in tears, blood and hopeless dreams

Will christie manage to finish refining amphetamine sulfate before she passes out on her ~3rd day awake while nodding on heroin??!!!, stay tuned to find out!

* crushes 130mg shard of methamphetamine hydrochloride like a piece of rock candy
omg the unconditional happiness button works again :o

I miss my previous sensation of being euphoric and at times starting to hyperventilate just because I am free, outside and alive

Christie: are you doing ok?

Mara: depends what you call ok

Christie: my definition of ok includes vivid open eye hallucinations and the desire to die

Mara: well I am not having those so I am not ok

Christie: in that case I would say you are doing well above average! :P

I enjoy being at the edge of breaking down programming 24/7 while the people around me just moan at me

just dissociatives making me want to die as usual
probably the most immediate substance induced reduction of wellbeing that I have experienced

one day when I rann out of 2-MMC I just started smashing IV MDMA till the serotonin syndrome absolutely destroyed me, I told the balcan-nurse who I was chatting with that night that "I just wants to fucking die"